A MOMENT OF LIFE'S REFLECTION
By African Queen
Well here's another chapter of my life's book closing, as a new one began...and as I look back on my dreams, hopes and aspirations, some having been fulfilled while others sit on a dusty shelve waiting to be re-discovered.
Finally, I am beginning to feel a glimpse of satisfaction within myself; A sense of realness within my soul, a growth of maturity that only conquering fear can achieve.
I'm molding and shaping myself into in a world that seemed so strange long before, always feeling out of place, not even sure if I belong. For the first time in my life, I feel a positive surge of energy vaulting into my spirit. A flow of karma I can relate to that eases the pain within my soul.
Yes, fear still taunts me, in the deepest hallway of my mind. However, this time, I won't allow it rule me, control me or dictate my journey which has been ordained. For through the living spirit I have conquered those things that has stumbled my dreams.
My life has guided me in many directions. Some regrets. Time wasted on meaningless adventures, seeking adrenaline, pursuing the high. Chasing relationships, believing I was missing my whole, not even realizing that He was already in my soul. Frugal attempts to quicken the process...while perpetrating a person that does not exist, to appease a society.....I must fit in, I remember being told
Meeting individuals...some good..some bad....some lost A distinct lesson learned from each...while others who has crossed my path have breed hatred, revenge and contempt...while afflicting others with their mental sorrows. Most, still entrapped with the mentality of slavery of long ago, oppressed, and enslaved to ignorance,which keeps them from seeing His will for their lives
Falling in love, oh, how beautiful I thought it would be, until faced with the reality the fear of commitment from others, not willing to commit, compromise, or show their deepest emotions. Have you been hurt that bad that u cannot see the love within my heart for thy? Or, can you not risk the feelings of experiencing true love?
I ask myself, do we know true love,
As our Father in Heaven loves us.
Too much, time to invest? Unsure of what to expect? Judging of one's style, looks, and race.
To thin, to fat, to light, to dark. Not the right height, not the right physique, when I only want someone to recognize that I am beautiful as ME. Wow, what a valuable lesson I learned on that trip. What a selfish world we live in, the "I" society.
While on that trip, I was able to build a few genuine friendships, especially during the stratosphere of my heartache, and pain. Never again would I trust my heart to another, I often vowed. I never want to experience such pain, anguish, or emotional unbalance again.
Always remain in control I was told.
I know the journey I'm getting ready to embark on will be faced with numerous challenges. Nevertheless, it's something about this trip that's dramatically different from the others. Maybe I'm finally ready, no more demands, drama or expectations. For the reality of life has led me out of the darkness of my shell. And as each page is written in my book, My true me, My true destiny, My true purpose shall be revealed.
For today, I am more receptive to the Power that leads my every step, yes today I'm ready to face the real me, I proclaim the inner me, the strength the lies within me, the beauty that showers me, the knowledge that has been granted to me, the wisdom that has been bestowed me, the courage to deliver the seed that has been impregnaned in me......LIFE
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